Have you ever wanted to get into the head of a dominant man, root around and see what makes him tick? Today is your chance. In this exclusive interview with James Collier, co-author and inspiration for "I am a Dominant" with Maggie Carpenter, we do exactly that.
“I spank for pleasure, and I spank for punishment. The choice is yours.”
James Collier is a London based Dominant, and in this rare, unapologetic exposé, James opens up his life and shares his feelings, his perspective, and even a sampling from his “Directives And Things To Remember,” a list given the women who choose to surrender to his skilled, sensuous hands.
A man who loves Keats as much as The Rolling Stones, James is a disciplinarian and is quick to punish, as his tale of a public spanking makes abundantly clear, but he is also as romantic as he is strict, and he shares stories that will touch your heart.
Journey with James as he spanks with gusto, makes love with passion, and gives us a glimpse into the life of an old-fashioned but modern-day Dominant.
I was, and have remained throughout my life, a shoe buff. At the time I could ill-afford the expense of exquisitely handmade footwear, but I had indulged my passion a few months before. Using the fine, soft leather sole on her backside was immensely appealing, and gripping it firmly, I slid it over her white, virgin cheek.
“You’re using your shoe?” she quivered.
“Indeed! Overspending is one thing, but allowing yourself to be at the mercy of a strange man is something else entirely, and deserves to be dealt with.”
“But nothing. You know I’m right.”
“Yes, Sir, you are right, I’ve just never been spanked with anything other than a hand.”
“Perhaps that’s your problem. Perhaps your discipline hasn’t been adequate, but I’m not interested in participating in anything you’re not completely comfortable with. Should I let you up?”
I had sounded so much older and more experienced than my years, and where it came from I had no clue.
She groaned and squirmed, battling with the question, and I sat, waiting patiently, continuing to slide the sole of my beautiful footwear over her waiting cheek.
It was a delicious moment of perverse pleasure; my cock was screaming for attention, her scarlet cheek and its milky-white twin were nestled side-by-side, and I knew her desperation to avoid the shoe was just as fierce as my craving to slap it down.
“No, Sir, I...uh...don’t want to get up,” she finally squeaked.
Her desire for the hard discipline sent a new wave of excitement through my loins, and raising the shoe just a few inches from its target, I flicked it down. I heard the stifled cry, and knew it must have held a keen bite. I delivered three more fast swats, and she kicked out her legs, hissing between her teeth. Not wanting to be cruel, and having no idea just how much the shoe leather burned, I decided to offer just a few more before stopping.
“Am I making my point?” I asked, pausing to give her a moment to catch her breath and allow the pain to be fully absorbed.
“Yes, oh, yes, yes,” she panted. “You’re right, you’re right, it’s a really stupid thing to do.”
“Good, I’m glad we’re on the same page. Three more, then one on each side where you sit.”
The shoe spanked it’s triple a tad slower than the previous three, then delivered two more on the sensitive crease where her thighs met her seat. She threw back her head, then her hand, and I allowed her spread fingers to rest on her newly scorched skin.
“Oh, Sir, Sir,” she bleated, “I’m dreadfully sorry, I don’t even know you, but you’ve made such an impression.”
I closed my eyes, feeling the divine satisfaction, but it was only a minute or two; my cock needed attention. I looked around the room, trying to decide where and how to ravage her, and as if reading my mind she squirmed her head around for a second time.
“Please, Sir, please will you have sex with me?”
Have sex with me? It was such a polite request, and it brought a wide smile to my lips.
I jumped at the opportunity to do this interview because how often do we get to crawl around inside a dominant's head. A million and one questions came to mind, but I had to limit it to a reasonable few.
Without further I ado, I present James Collier...
He is the Dominant.
Thank you James, and of course, a big thanks to Maggie for making this possible. First question...
What do you enjoy most about BDSM?
James: My first thought; the exquisite pleasure I give and derive. The feelings are indefinable and indescribable. I believe the bond in a D/s relationship is like none other. (It is not my intention to impugn the institution of marriage, I have not been married so cannot comment about how it feels).
The trust and connection that exists between a Dominant and his submissive, when the relationship is deep and abiding, is extraordinary; at this point in my life, in addition to what I wrote above, that is what I enjoy the most, the bond, the trust, the connection.
Maddie: I often ask authors if they are plotters or pantsers (flying by the seat of their pants). I imagine that could apply to Doms as well. What are you? Do you plan a scene methodically, wing it, or is it something in between?
James: There are two answers here.
If I’m turning a fantasy into reality, I take great care in making it as close to the desires of my submissive as possible. Small details matter, and I discuss it at length, making sure I have a clear understanding of her vision.
If there is no fantasy involved, then there is no plan, just a vague feeling of what might transpire. I am guided by instinct, by the mood, by my submissive’s responses, so for me, to have a plan is counterintuitive.
Maddie: Is sexual intercourse/gratification a requirement for you to take pleasure in an SM scene?
James: No, not at all, though it’s always nice to have dessert.
Maddie: How would you describe your style as a dominant; strict, sensual, permissive, ect.
James: I’m a very patient person, but I do not take kindly to having that patience tested. I can be very strict when I deem it necessary, but I am an old-fashioned romantic...roses, chocolates, opening doors, helping with coats, pampering, all of the gallantry that many, both male and female, have attempted to quash over the last 15-20 years. I don’t see myself as permissive; I have guidelines and I expect them to be followed. I am also extremely sensual, which goes along with my romantic heart.
How I am perceived as a Dominant, though, would probably be described differently by the women with whom I’ve been involved. I think we all bend somewhat, to fit within the parameters of a relationship; I believe both men and women do that.
Maddie: How do you view BDSM as a part of your life? A hobby? A lifestyle? For relaxation? A diversion? An integrated aspect within you?
James: As I see it, BDSM is a label that describes the activity associated with being a Dominant or a submissive. I am a Dominant, wholly and completely. I know there are some who can live in a vanilla relationship and deal with it, I am not one of those people. Being a Dominant is who I am, not just what I do.
Maddie: What are some of your personal limits as a top?
James: This is a very complex and interesting question, and Maggie and I discussed including an episode that would have addressed this, but it was a bit...unattractive (for lack of a better word).
How to be succinct? Unfortunately there have been submissives who have required more physical punishment than I desired to give. I saw it as abusive. This is where incompatibility comes in. I try not to judge, but there have been times when I have been presented with a line I would not cross, and in one instance I had serious concerns for the lady in question.
Another way to answer might be this example. I am not an advocate of the cane, which I suppose goes against the stereotype of an English Dominant. I do have one, and have used it on occasion, but three strokes, delivered well, are as many as I believe are necessary. To me, more is overkill.
To summarize, I will not do anything that I see as crossing the line into abuse, but of course that line is relative.
Maddie: Aftercare, what are your thoughts about it and what do you get out of it the most?
James: What an important question. Aftercare. The time of ultimate intimacy (at least, for me.)
I give the submissive whatever her heart, body, soul and mind needs and wants, and I always ask. Whatever she desires, whether it be holding her for an hour, making her a cup of tea (yes, that has been asked of me. After the stroking and hugging, it was served to her in bed with crumpets and honey on a tray), and aftercare lasts long past that hour or two following the episode.
The intensity of the episode (sorry, I don’t like the word scene, it reminds me of the theatre and I don’t see what I do in that light) determines the depth of the aftercare, and it is all about her.
What do I get out of it? Very big sigh here...the joyful pleasure of showing my submissive that she is treasured, and the reassurance that I have given us both what we need.
Maddie: There are wannabes, abusers and frankly, some SOB’s out there. How would you advise a submissive to identify these Dom posers in her search for that special one?
James: Great question, and an important one, and I appreciate you allowing me to weigh in on this.
First, subs aren’t the only ones who can fall victim to a crazy person. In the book I share an experience I had with a woman who could have caused me a great deal of grief. Fortunately I got out in time, but only because some friends of mine knew about her and warned me, though I was, at the time, determining how best to extricate myself.
Now, if you would, please just give me a minute while I climb on to my soapbox
Sadly, many (if not most) of the Psycho-Doms (my general term for abuser’s, SOB’s and the like) know how to play on a woman’s emotions, and suck them in with charm, hiding the devil inside until they have her head spinning.
I would advise men and women, vanilla, Dominant or submissive, to do some general reading about narcissists and sociopaths. There is a ton of information on the web, easy to understand and assimilate. Most Psycho-Dom’s are either narcissists or sociopaths, sometimes even a narcissistic sociopath.
Google, “How to spot a narcissist,” then google, “How to spot a sociopath.” You find similarities, and both are extremely destructive personality types.
They are incredibly adept at being charming and sensuous, and can mimic emotion as well as any Bafta winning actor, (or in your case, Oscar winning actor) but knowledge is power, and even a small amount of information might help you identify them should they cross your path.
There is a figure being quoted in the US that estimates 25% of the population is narcissistic/sociopathic; that’s 1 in 4. It’s an alarming statistic. I cannot find a figure in the UK, but I suspect it’s probably similar. Forewarned is forearmed. Learn the signs and this will not only help you with potential partners, but in your life generally.
I’m climbing off my soapbox now.
To finish, (because the last words are usually the ones most remembered) listen to your instinct. There are two examples in the book where I didn’t, and suffered the consequences. If you feel something is off, don’t dismiss it because he has such a sparkling personality. If you’re feeling it there’s a reason. Proceed with caution, watch and pay attention.
Maddie: What was your favorite part of working on the book, is there anything included about which you’re now having second thoughts, and what is your least favorite element (if you have one).
James: Looking back on one’s life is a double-edge sword. Reviewing the choices made, tragedies, triumphs, and bittersweet memories can bring both delight and a touch of sadness.
I suppose my favorite part was taking a step back and viewing my growth as both a Dominant and a man, and recalling things I’d forgotten...it was rather like turning the pages of an old photo album discovered in a closet.
Of concern: there is something I did - a grand gesture - for a very special woman. It was extremely sentimental and since Maggie left most of the decisions up to me, when she pushed for this particular incident to be included I knew she felt it was important.
I was concerned that it was too over the top, that not knowing me the reader might think it out of character for a Dominant. There are two sides to me to be sure, and including the episode highlighted the softer side of me.
It felt strange when I read it, and still does...a bit. As I just wrote that it dawned on me; perhaps it feels strange because it was such an profound and personal moment, it’s almost a bit embarrassing, but having said that, I am very proud of it as well, so...
The only thing that bothers me, is that I wouldn’t say, call me on my cell, I would say, ring me on my mobile. I spell certain words differently, behaviour, not behavior, etc, but for reasons Maggie and I discussed, I let these minor items pass.
May I indulge a moment here, and say thank you, Maddie, for allowing me to speak. To respond to these questions has been a truly thought-provoking and interesting experience. Thank you.
Maddie: It was my pleasure James. As we conclude, I want to wish you and Maggie great success with I am a Dominant.
I feel certain your candid answers will spark my readers interest such that they hop on over to Amazon and 1-click to learn more. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Thank you so much.